Coffee and other thoughts

 Hell of a weekend. For reasons, not enough sleep. 
The short version. I had a longer than usual route on Tuesday, and an opportunity to have Pupusas at the Farmers Market with C on Tuesday night. So, I pushed myself a little, got done earlier than usual. Clocked out got stuff from the Summer Market and we ate and talked and had a lovely time. 
Came home, felt a little tired. Bedtime came, I went to bed. Wednesday, woke up, made breakfast, ate like three bite and realized I felt utterly awful. So, called in sick and went back to bed. Slept until noon, feeling achy and chills and generally fever. Basically stayed in bed all day. Until I remembered that a hot bath, with some baking soda is a good way to break a fever. So, I drew a bath. And discovered that my bathtub is not really big enough. so I spent the whole bath thinking about what a bathroom remodel would even look like (aside from expensive). 

Ran the hot water until there was no more. Got pruny. Got out. Shortly, my building manager comes to my door, letting me know I have a leaking bathtub. After some investigation, it turns out that the leak is in the overflow drain, not the main drain. And over the course of yesterday and today, arrangements were made to fix it. 

And since I own this home, that's largely on me. Though I am doing it with the plumber recommended by the HOA, who is vetted and appropriately licensed in all relevant arcane plumbing arts (condos are a different thing than other residences? I am told). And I can talk to my home insurance folks about making a claim. So, not a huge deal. Just a thing. 

But it also illustrates a bit that came up in conversation with C. That buying a home is not just a matter of having the money. It's about being ready to buy. About the emotional state, feeling stable in work and life, to make this kind of commitment. I bought this place, and it is mine, and every once in a while I will do something else that makes me feel that. I am so ready to have a home of my own, and external support for that. and that means I get to do stuff like buy a hanging planter and ceiling hooks that let me put my stuffed Tigger (who I got from Santa Claus in 1976) in his rightful place. 

The readiness of this was not something I thought about. Not on an emotional level. I was too busy getting all my waterfowl into proper alignment to really think about that. But it's true. And worth thinking about, when buying a home. I was, of course. My subconscious is smarter than I am, and I am deeply satisfied with this (albeit a bit janky) little studio home. It makes me think about other things I want or ask for, whether or not I am actually ready for them. 

As noted previously (elsewhere, certainly, but probably here) my mom died. It's not a fresh thing; on the upcoming Mother'd day, it will be two years (and that she had the courtesy to die on Mother's day, thus consolidating at least some of the grief of that anniversary into a single day, speaks to how she lived her long and fruitful life). It was, is, a sadness, not a tragedy, and I have talked about it elsewhere if not here. 

In fairness, I don't much expect anyone to hear me, here, with a few noteworthy and well loved exceptions. 

But and so. An aftereffect of mom dying was that my three brothers and I split the estate, including selling her house (Dad died about 7 years ago, also painful, also not tragic, a different sort of experience that I am still unpacking). Which meant I got money. Not 'a lot of money' but certainly enough that I was able to make some measurable improvements in my living situation. Clearing all of my debts, for a start. putting away money for savings, a small investment account, and, oh yeah, I bought a condo. And a bike. 

But more... day to day, I can look at things differently. I can look at events, at social opportunities, and I don't have to immediately discard them as "I cannot afford that, and that's okay." Which was where I was at for rather a long time, honestly. I had to pick and choose and budget, carefully. And I still have to be SOME careful. I am not in a situation where I can drop everything and fly to Hong Kong for Dim Sum on a whim. I don't even have a legal passport, right now (just opened a tab to address that oversight). But a friend just posted about a local film festival, and I thought, hey, that sounds like fun, it's a weekend so no work entanglements, why not? And so, I got a ticket. 

Money doesn't buy happiness. That is what I have been told my whole life. And that is of limited truth. It doesn't buy happiness or time or relationships. And. It does allow me the freedom to pursue those things, without the sacrifices or choices that can exclude many options. Having money solved a number of my problems. And in so doing, revealed an entirely different set of problems behind those (and, to an extent, allowed me to address those (like, paying to copay on my doctor and therapist)). 

I miss mom. I went to a pie shop a while ago, and they had a Chocolate Chess Pie, literally just like Mom used to make, and just seeing that almost made me cry. I had to take a few minutes to collect myself in silence before i could order. Worth it, though, the pie and the memories were joyous. I think i will always miss her. And i think that she provided for me just makes it a little less difficult for me to do so, or at least, gives me some of the tools that I need. And that lesson is something I think she would be pleased to see I have learned.  

My work is a union shop. I am a teamster. 

We have a union only discord. 

One of the team leads just got on the Union Discordd and complained about too many people calling out of work too often, requiring him to go out on the road rather than working on projects in the warehouse. He wants the next contract to have stricter call out policies. 

One of those recent projects was the acquisition, distribution, and training (for each individual driver, one at a time) of reflective triangles. In case we are stuck on the side of the road, on a busy street (I cannot say this Never happens? but the odds of it happening are remarkably low, and the efficacy of this is probably limited at best). 

....

Oh, and this Lead is leaving in April. The next contract will be voted on in July. So, he has no actual stake in the next contract. 

I am trying really really hard not to say, THIS IS YOUR JOB. This is what you signed up for, this is what you get paid more for, this is what it is. And if have to hear you say you have been to every single member at least once, i am going to make your do the FSKING MATH of that (seattle market is about 80k people; we do an average of 100 stops a day, with a 4 day work week for drivers; He has not been here long enough for that to even be mathematically possible, even given that he was a driver before he was a lead).  

So, I am not at work today, because I was realized I was getting overwhelmed by anxiety, and because I knew I have sufficient sick time to be able to take a day like this for a time like this. And taking a day off is probably better than working and getting one step closer to absolutely losing my shit at the Lead for this ... idiocy. Because, the truth is, the idiocy is not his, or at least, not his alone. The company is a start up, and no one really knows what they are doing. We don't have a standard operation procedure, mostly. And even where there is, theres little to no enforcement of what ever procedures exist. 

On the whole, I like my job. I like that I have a reasonable level of discretion and independence. As long as I get the job done reasonably well, I am left to my own devices. And, the upside of a start up; the possibility, however unlikely, that my stock options will lead to something someday. 

After that? I show up, I do my job, I come home. Anything else is strictly optional and at my discretion. 
 

So, here's the thing. 

My middle name is Morris. I was given, for no well explained reason, my father's mother's maiden name as my middle name. And I think it is pretty cool, now. At the time of my childhood, in the seventies and early 80s (okay, all of the 80s, and significant portions of the 90s), the only well known creature on earth with that name was Morris, the FInicky Cat of Nine Lives Cat Food Commercials. 

Now, again, as an adult, I realize i should be LUCKY, to be as cool as He was (the cat actor who played him first, was named Lucky, and lived to a ripe age of 17). He did very well for himself, and if I am half as successful in humaning as he was in Catting, I will call it a win. 
And two things about Morris. He was Finicky; only wanted to eat very special food. And he was Orange. 

Now? as something like an Adult. And I have Aglaia, who is an orange cat. 

Whose appetite is ... suprisingly selective. I mean, she doesn't even want treats! And god forbid i provide her the wrong flavor of food! 

What i am seeing now? Those commercials were a warning. I should have expected this. 

So it goes. Some lessons come later in life than others. 
 

I am doing a bit of world building for an upcoming D&D campaign setting (Not actually D&D, I will be using Tales of the Valiant). I would like to double check my astrophysics. 

What I have in mind is a planet in a binary star system that is tidally locked to the 'lesser' star,  while orbiting the 'great' star. I know for certain that means that one side of the planet is always in the light of the lesser star, and the other one isn't. That means that there is a light side and a dark side, with regards to the lesser star. Easy enough. 

But with regards to the great start, the 'dark' side still sees that, sometimes, and therefore has regular day night cycles. And sometimes the 'light side' has two suns in the sky. 

Have I got that right?

Leaving aside that this is D&D, and the rules are whatever I decide they are. If it is a flat planet on the back of four elephants who stand on the back of an enormous turtle, that's just fine.  

Yesterday, I did a  Thing. I bought a bike. A brand new (not just 'new to me') Surly Bridge Club. I even added a rack to the front and got gloves and a new lock and cable. And I rode it around the park a few times, rode it to the bookstore, rode it through and around the park a few more times... 

I should say, I am an avid bike guy. Not at the constantly wearing spandex, wearing cool sunglasses, has those special shoes that attach to the pedals sort of way. But in the "I have to go a place, so i will ride a bike rather than walk/drive / be driven (by bus or taxi)" sort of way. I have been riding a bike to work, and FOR work, since I got to Seattle and opted to be car free. And hey, let me unpack that. C was devotedly car free when we met. When I moved to Seattle, it was a thing I embraced as well, but also, it was sort of a necessity. I mean, I could not afford to buy a car, and even if I had one, I live in a neighborhood where it is difficult to park. Plus the cost of fuel, insurance, maintaining... It adds up, and, frankly, I am not good at it. 
Still, I own my home now. I have a Parking Space. If I wanted a car, I could probably buy a good one for cash (checks website...). Yes. I could, absolutely, buy one for cash. 

And it would still require fueling (even if I bought an electric, it needs charging, and that is an expense). I am currently Making Money on my parking space (I rent it out to a very nice lady who lives in my building in a mutually satisfactory arrangement). That cash i would use for the car is currently sitting quietly in an interest bearing account. 

So. I bought a bike. Which will also require maintaining, but the store I bought it from is local, just up the street (Good Weather Bikes, in Chop Row, they also have excellent coffee and pastries). This was after considerable research. I am not a small or light person. I don't need or expect a fast zippy little bike. I need a fsking workhorse, a bike that is going to support my non trivial weight, get me to work through the streets of seattle, and get me home again. Which is what i got. If I get it in my head to ride that Palouse to Cascades trail, well, that is an option. 

And, it is very much a different thing. I have been using Lime bikes for the last several years (my most recent prior bike was nice, but the tires were too skinny, and I was contantly getting flats (big rider, narrow tire, broken glass = flat tire). I eventually just gave up. That was a learning experience. When I started looking, I saw that Surly makes a model called the Ice Cream Truck. The tires are Four Inches Wide. 

That is ... obscene. Or at least, I thought so until I saw their latest model, the Moonlander. Six and a half inch wide tires. 

ahem. 

I decided those were a little too "mid life crisis" for my purposes. So I got the most practical, basic, workhorse bike. And I asked about stuff. Like, I am used to riding in a more upright position, but this has me leaning forward more than I am used to. Can that be fixed. And the very nice and professional gentleman selling me the bike said, yes, though leaning forward is good for aerodynamics, and also better for your body. The spine does not get compressed as much, and different muscle groups are engaged (geeked out about that for a hot minute, because I can). And, if i want, I can make an appointment with a physical therapist who will work with me to custom fit the bike to my body at their shop. 

Which pleases my geeky little heart in all the ways. 

I have not done that. Per his suggestion, I am going to ride it for a while, and see what it is like. Get some idea of what I like, what I want to change, get my body used to the new level of effort involved in going back to a manual transmission rather than an automatic. 

This is going to be fun. 
 

Been a while since i have been here. 

Nearly entirely settled into the Condo. As the weather changes, I am looking at my patio, and thinking... things. Like, what about plants? What about furniture? What about Aglaia (I am certain, given the chance, she would love to get outside, onto the patio (which is fine) and would shortly be over the wall and into the street (which would not be fine))? Can I arrange things so she can have access to the porch, but is unable to leave its confines? Building an actual 'catio' seems unlikely to go over well with the HOA. But I think I can make it work. Maybe. 

The immediate thing is I just more or less finished my taxes. More or less because I finished them, and then remembered that i did not say anything about the sale of Mom's house or the income I got from that. So, because H&R Block is what it is, I had to contact my "tax expert" and say, hey, there is this, what should I do? Can I edit my tax return? And she said, no. but you have to send me this form. 

I don't have this form, I say. 

You should have this form, she says. It comes with the distribution of the estate. 

I don't have it, I was not the executor. I say.

So contact the executor and have him send it to you, she says. 

Okay. I do. Then I look up the form on IRS.gov, and it says "this is for business partnership distributions" and I say, WTF. 

And then I email her and say something a bit more polite than that to her. 

Aside from that? All of the money i got was from Mom's IRA accounts, so there are taxes on those. Which is not what I expected, but is what i should have expected; and I don;t much like it, but, really... It's not a big deal. I set aside money for precisely this sort of thing. I did not get this money and go out and spend all of it. Not gonna lie, I spent SOME of it; I have some nifty new fountain pens, I got a new computer, I bought t shirts and I am supporting assorted Patreons. Oh, and there's the Condo I am living in. I bought that. Or, at least, I am buying it. 

It is just... I want to take a vacation. I thought i would be able to pay for it with the tax refund I was getting. But I am not getting a tax refund, so I have to rethink how to pay for my vacation (also, a bike, a couch, and shelves). I have to keep reminding myself, i am okay. Not the way i thought it was going to be, but overall, this is a good plan. My ducks, on the whole, are happily and merrily marching in time and in line. I am able to pay attention to things that need my attention, and when I run across unexpected obstacles, I have the resources to overcome them. 

I may, however, need a different tax professional. 

 The Waterfowl Alignment Project continues. 

For the possibly three people who have not heard from other channels; I bought a Condo. I have completed my apartment move out, and I am working on getting settled here. 

It was, on the whole, pretty easy. Which is not to say not stressful. However, honestly, minimally stressful. New Flat is in the same neighborhood (literally three blocks from Old Place). Somewhat smaller, but with a better layout. I have my own dishwasher and washer dryer, for the first time in ... 20 odd years? And the trash is inside. Recyling and yard waste / compost is in the building garage (i don't have to worry about walking in the rain when I need to deal with such things). It is a good building, and i got a good loan. 

And.  I have to remind myself, sometimes, that i did this. I mean, This is (part of) what I am spending my inheritance on. But, it is all possible because I kept my finances under control. I resolved all my debt (paid off credit cards, built and maintained good credit, etc.) I kept an eye on the real estate market, I took classes offered by my credit union on home ownership. In short, I had a plan, and when the time came, I followed through on it. 

And so, here I am (here we are, Aglaia Goldeneye Trouble Cat is adapting to her new kingdom nicely). 

I am still figuring things out. I maybe need more shelves, or to rearrange my existing shelves. Probably both. In any case, I have not unpacked the last of my boxes. I am still working on the kitchen layout. I want to buy a sleeper sofa, and a new bike (both of which are going to wait until I get my taxes settled). I am renting out my parking space to another building resident (and i had to remind her, already, so I am not sure how well that is going to go). And of course, the ongoing eat/exercise/be physically / financially / mentally healthy journey is ... ongoing (I decided to get a PCP, rather than the prior strategy of three Zoom Care attendants in a trench coat). 

The short term plan includes a couple extra days of work, put in some overtime. And, at some point, not too far away, a Fsking Vacation. Someplace sunny. Maybe just a long weekend in California, maybe something more ambitious. I have it in my head to take a long week to go visit family in Colorado and then go up to Yellowstone with a bike. Or something like that.