Coffee and other thoughts

Empathy is understanding other people are different. What is the unshakable assumption that everyone is the same? Not all the same in the sense of deserving rights, respect, and understanding. Not all the same in being of common genetic stock and fundamentally shared biological inheritance. Not all the same in that we are all unique in our experience and expression and processing of reality, with limited but shared overlap in common understanding of events. All the same in the sense, the assumption that anyone, given a particular set of circumstances, would act in the same manner. Anyone with power would use that power to advance only their own interests. It is the fundamental assumption that, everyone is exactly the same, is as selfish and short sighted and dismissive of other peoples needs and the consequences and impact of ones own actions. Psychopath is, I think, an overused term (the fact I watch a lot of Criminal Minds and other psychologically focused crime drama TV is probably influencing my assumptions there). On the other hand, quick googling seems to support this idea. That said, I am not sure I am articulating my question as well as I would like to. What, after all, do I mean by Empathy? If I assume that it is a spectrum (my understanding of psychology is that nearly everything is a spectrum; personality is not a series of binary choices), and that empathy is on one end of that, what is that opposite end of that spectrum?

Warlocks can have coffee with their patrons. Clerics ... just have to believe in theirs. Seems to me to leave room for an Aetheist Warlock. "I don't believe in anything I cannot see." Of course, a high enough Cleric can actually bring his God to lunch, more or less. But having done so, for the Aetheist Warlock, how is that different from any other summoned Creature? Why is it right and proper for anyone (let alone everyone) to worship this entity? Especially given that the the gods generally do not directly intervene in the lives of their followers. Something I am going to have to think about further, I think.

I am now, officially, 54. As of yesterday. And it was a good day. I slept in, because I had the foresight and professional stability to do so (Thanks, Teamsters!). When I did rise up, i made coffee and breakfast. A dutch baby with blueberries, Chicken apple sausage. Then I called and talked to my mom and immediately older brother who was visiting with Mom. She is doing pretty well, he is doing pretty well. And then it was on to the Planned Adventure. A couple weeks ago, I realized A), I like tea. B) I have tea. C) I don't have a tea pot. I mean, I have my frech press pot, and I have a strainer. But if folks came over, would not be able to brew up a pot of Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. Or whatever. So, I decided this is a thing I will do, for myself (Side note, I love and appreciate other peoples wishes and acknowledgements on my birthday, and I do my level and absolute best to return the kindness. I also believe, have come to believe, that I am responsible for my own happiness, and if don't celebrate my birthday, and buy myself nice things or fun experiences, then I am less likely to have them. So, i have set out to do that, each year being a new adventure of some kind, often resulting in a tangible lasting thing I look at in the time afterwards, and it reminds me and fills me with joy). This year, that involved getting a tea pot. Per suggestions, I looked first at Friday afternoon tea. And while it is true that she has a couple tea pots, she doesn't have very many of them in stock (at least, not clearly so on the website). So, I decided to start my quest at Pike Place Market. Which I have not visited in quite a while, and it is slightly more accessible from where I am. So. One quick bike ride later, I was there. Sur La Table did not have any tea pots (a nice collection of kettles, of various descriptions), and I got to play with knives for a few minutes (high ish end chef knife demo). Then I made my way to Market Spice. And they had exactly the pot I was envisioning. Simple ceramic blue pot. And so, just like that, I bought it. If by "just like that" you understand I also got a couple different flavors of cocoa, and two kinds of peppercorns. Also, because I am Smart, I realized I didn't know if there was a strainer included in the pot, and I asked, and there wasn't, so I bought one of those (after determining which one would properly fit in the pot). Packed all my purchases into my bag, wandered the market, got a bagel dog from Seattle Bagels. Back to Capitol Hill. Coffee and a slice of tea cake at EBB, chatted with a friend for a bit (we realized we have been friends for more than 15 years, recently, which isn't nothing). C had intended to provide Piroshky's from work, but that plan fell through, and so we pivoted to Delfino's pizza. Which became Pizza's. A medium deep dish Pepporoni and Pineapple, and a small Spinach. Both of which were totally awesome. AND! she brought Cupcakes! And a Candle! And she Lit My Candle. No, I mean, literally. Apparently it is bad luck or bad form or something to light your own birthday candle, so she did if, and I blew it out. And, finally, settled in to play D&D with the folks. Combat ensued. I rolled two nat20s, on my Eldritch Blasts. The first crit? 3 points of damage on 2d10. The Second? 4 points, on 2d10. I swapped out my (digital) dice after that. I suppose, if I could have just switched out the d10s, that would have been fine. It worked, we saved the hostages (for the moment; one of the hostage takers escaped), and there are three more groups of baddies aligned with the hostage takers. So, the adventure continues. And, because I firmly believe that there should be no bedtime on a birthday, I took today off as well. Going to get a flu shot, in a little while (after all, this is a "sick day" rather than a "I feel like taking a day off" day). And so the new year of life begins. Given what else is going on in my life and the world... I expect a lot to change, and some of it is going to be awesome and some of it is going to be challenging. Life is like that.

I want to lead with that, as i am ranting about seeing a doctor. What i want is a Concierge to make necessary medical appointments for me, and then to take the results of those medical appointments and tell me what to do with them. What I have is … I have to make my own appointments, talk to doctors (frequently not the same one I talked to the last time) who don’t have the time to actually look at the charts and notes and information from my previous appointments, who can work with me to get where I need to be. I know I have a responsibility for my own health. I know I need to eat well, to exercise appropriately, to take my prescriptions and keep them up to date and see the people I need to see when I need to see them, and listen to what they say. But it’s that last bit… I did a remote video appointment today. Because it was just about talking over the lab results from blood tests I got, seeing where things are regarding blood sugar and cholesterol. Based on what i read, I have already taken steps (reduced red meat intake, reduced sugar intake (an ongoing process)). And I was telling the doctor this, and she … didn’t really seem to want to engage with me about it. I suppose, it may be a function of the video conference, or of the time pressure, or just that i don’t know how to ask the right questions or I am getting answers I don’t like (I am resistant to taking more medicine, more drugs, than I can avoid by proper lifestyle (I ride about 7 miles a day, i walk 2-3 every work day, etc)) (My father’s addictions have shaped my behavior in a whole host of ways, not all of which are healthy). In a nutshell, she said “build a relationship with a physician.” But really, what i feel like she was saying was “Have built a consistent relationship with the same physician for the last several years, and talk to that Dr about this stuff. Also, lose weight, and take diabetes medicine, even though you are not diabetic, because even though you dropped .2 points in six months, it’s not enough, but i don’t like to prescribe medicine, and bodies are weird and science and statistics and why are you here anyway.” It was, in short, not a really productive interaction.

Which is to say, Playing D&D. A thing I have been doing, off and on, with variations for... what? 40 something years. Short version, because it is all I can manage right now. My character died. Marci's character lived. It is right. Not strategic, not the way to win the fight, but the way to tell the story. I regret nothing.

There was that one episode of ST DS9, where Worf (among other crew folks) were captured and imprisoned by the Dominion. Worf was forced to fight the Gem'hadar, and kept winning. Finally, the lead Gem'Hadar stepped into the ring with Worf, and fought him. At the end of it, Worf kept getting up. And his opponent said, "I cannot defeat this Klingon. I can only kill him." I think Marci was undefeated. Fuck Cancer.

This is me thinking aloud about a thing that is very specific to my life and situation but maybe useful to someone else for something but not really about you, it's just me trying to articulate without needing to edit or fear throwing casting a Wall of Text spell on the work Slack.
So. Short version. A computer doesn't know anything it has not been told.
I mean, neither does a human, but, importantly, humans learn passively, all the time. We know stuff no one ever set out to teach us (and we don't know WHY we know it, which is a whole thing all by itself).
This can lead to interesting failures.
Long Version.
My job these days is to collect stuff from addresses. Which means, I drive a big cargo van to a specific street address, get stuff, and then drive to the next address on my list. On any given day, I will do this 100+ times. I work on a team, so there are about 30 of us doing this each work day.
That is a lot of addresses.
And ideally, the each address is as close to the last and the next as possible. We have a program that generates the routes, and a Real Human Person who reviews the routes. However. There are at least 30 routes, every day, with specific parameters (not all the routes are the same). What I am saying is, the system is not perfect, there are mistakes. Things like "to get from Here to There, I would have to go under an overpass that is too short for the actual vehicle, so I have to drive around, taking much longer"). Things the computer generating the route would not know, having not actually driven on the actual streets in the actual vehicles we use. In fairness, not something that a Real Human Person would necessarily know, either.
Which is why there is a feedback channel, where we tell Real Human Person (RHP) about issues like that.
So, with that in mind, knowing that as I do. Yesterday. I was sent to pick up from an address at the Ass end of a one lane street on the extreme Northeast corner of Seattle. Right up against the lake. And I am driving, as noted, a cargo van, so NOT a small or agile vehicle, and DOES NOT have a small turn around radius. I did this pick up once before, and tried to pull into a driveway to get turned around. And that driveway was loose gravel, and it was raining, and I was stuck there for more than two hours. Great fun. Lesson learned.
I got the pick up, got turned around (a classic 14 point turn, just like they teach in drivers ed), and I was on my way to the next address. It was on a completely different street. But as I was driving, I noticed that there was a house that seemed to want a pick up from me. It wasn't the next pick up, though. SO, i looked at my whole route, and there that address was, five or six stops away.
I was able to make that pick up, and, being Smart, I looked at the rest of my route, and saw that there were four more stops on that same street. I got all those, and then resumed my route as written.
The thing I noticed, though. Some people write their address as "Street Name Here East". And some people write "Street Name Here E". And, this being Seattle, where we have 5437 streets, and 243 street names, EVERYTHING is East Street, or Street West (and each of those has the most tangential connection to each other (to say nothing of the fact that street numbers are not always sequential, or we skip numbers, or replace numbers with names and then resume numbers, right where we left off (such that 10th ave is, in fact, Nine full blocks east of Ninth ave (Street naming conventions in Seattle are the subject to a long, detailed, and angry rant all it's own (and don't even get me started about how house numbers are hidden))))). What I realized, yesterday, is that the program we use probably doesn't know that those two streets (Street Name East and Street Name E) are the Same Thing. Likewise, and at the same time, a RHP wouldn't Know that the computer DOESN'T Know that. A RHP looks at the addresses, and doesn't even think once about how those two addresses are on the same street, because OF COURSE they are. RHP Doesn't need to think about that, RHP is Busy and has better things to think about.
And that is how I end up going on The Street of Doom Northeast, leaving it, and then Returning to Street of Doom Northeast.
Computers don't know anything they have not been told. And People don't necessarily know that they know stuff that a computer would NOT know. There is nothing that is obvious to a computer; A computer (and obviously i am using "computer" in the broadest possible sense for a computer program or App or AI or algorithm or whatever the current technology is here; I don't know the correct word and it is not important to the thing I am trying to articulate) only knows what someone told it to know, and lacks the foundational experiential knowledge that all RHP get (which is NOT remotely the same from one RHP to the next, of course; But everyone has stuff they know that they were not taught in the former structure of education, just as a product of being alive for this number of years).
So, when the RHP looks at the routes each day, that RHP needs to keep that in mind.
Except I don't know how the RHP does this job (there are certainly tools and considerations I don't know about). I don't know, for certain, that the computer hasn't been told that Street Name NE and Street name NorthEast are the same street (the glitch I experienced yesterday could be something else entirely).
So. In specific, I have questions about how a thing I work with works. In general, I have thoughts about what we know, how we know it, and what we take for granted that "everybody knows" so much that we don't even question knowing it.
Also, Holy Shit, Snow.

Last June, Shiva (the cat) died.
I came to realize, living with her, that we had an agreement. There were things I expected of her, as a cat, and things I provided for her, as her human. A warm Bed. A full Bowl. A Clean Box. This is what I offered.
That she be the Best Cat Ever. This is what i expected. And what I got.
I mourned her passing, I sat with my grief, I totally lost my shit when a drive thru barista asked me how I liked my espresso and I replied "Like I like my cat; Black, and with an infinite capacity for waking me up". Except i started crying as i tried to say that. much to my utter humiliation and abject horror, because losing my composure and breaking down crying is something no retail barista is paid enough to deal with (to her her credit, she was entirely professional and kind and sympathetic, once i explained (between sobs) what was going on).
And I knew, I was not done with Cats. I knew, SOMEDAY, I would be ready for a new cat.
I felt pretty ready ... six weeks ago? I wasn't actively looking for a cat. I simply let the Great Cat Spirit know that when she had someone who needed a home, i had a home that needed a cat.
And I had a couple near misses, sort of. But nothing actually happened.
About two weeks ago, I came to realize / decide that I was probably going to get an Orange Tabby cat. And this was going to be a problem. Aya, C's previous cat, was ... challenging. I loved him, of course. Shiva (eventually) loved him. And he was a Pain In My Ass. Cristy left him with me, when she went to Washington DC. I left the window open, because it was hot. And when I came home, the little fucker had escaped; out the window and out of the apartment.
Panic ensued. Texts ensued. A search ensued. And I found him, pretty quickly (and I called C and told her that). He just wanted to go to the corner store for a Pepsi. Literally, I found him in the alley that is next to the Market in my building.
This not to speak ill of the him, but to support the "he was a challenging creature at times" assertion. And a lot of that was "He is an Orange Tabby, they are ALL crazy". This, according to C.
So, I didn't tell C any of that decision. I figured, when the Great Cat Spirit sent me a cat, I would be ready. And if that cat was an orange tabby, great. If not, also great.
Last Thursday. I got home, and got on Discord. C posted a picture of a kitten. A Female Orange Tabby kitten (approximately five months). Who had, apparently, showed up at her back door, and asked her for help (after C's sister had left, and after c had taken her shower; That is when this kitten started meowing, loudly, at the back door). So, C brought her in to the house, and said to the Discord channel, Does anyone need a kitten?
Naturally, and of course, I said, Yes.
And after a little back and forth, I went to Mud Bay for supplies (litter and food and treats), and prepared to wait.
Tonight, I have a kitten. Orange fur and golden eyes. And her name is Aglaia. For the Greek Goddess of Brilliance, one of the three Graces. I have to say, any cat who waits until C is out of the shower to ask for help deserves recognition.
She is, right now, asleep on my bed.
And the Great Cat Spirit (as played by Orson Welles, in the Muppet Movie) had assistant prepare the Standard Contract. Aglaia agrees to be The Best Cat Ever. I agree to provide A Warm Bed. A Full Bowl. And a Clean Box.

So, three weeks ago, I was told that Lime was laying me off for the season. I had one week, and would (probably) be rehired in February.
I took that week and got a job with Ridwell.
It has been two weeks, now, that I have been working for Ridwell. Which consists of driving a cargo van to residences in Seattle, picking up bags of recycling, and putting them into the van. Repeat.
And I have thoughts, somewhat unformed.
Something I had forgotten, since I was a food delivery guy. What is it about Seattle and NOT having visible street numbers? Do you NOT want anyone to know which house (apartment, townhome, houseboat) is YOURS?
So many streets that are not very wide. Certainly, not wide enough for a cargo van to pass a cargo van. And people park on the side of these streets.
Seattle is NOT flat. Sometimes the next house is next door, and walking makes more sense than driving. Even though it's uphill. And usually Up Stairs. Stairs that may well be covered in moss, leaves (and coming soon, ice and snow).
There is a remarkable and noticeable difference in the way a company is run when the CEO did the core job. Ridwell grew from a person who thought "hey, I want to recycle this stuff. I wonder if my neighbors also want to recycle this stuff?" and he got stuff from his neighbors, and then ... well, four years later, 80k plus customers in Seattle, I am doing what he did. As are a couple dozen other people. Who I can ask for help, and Get It. My immediate supervisor? Started doing what I am doing. Most of the management team started by doing what i am doing (and, yay internal promotions).
This contrasts significantly with Lime. Which is probably a blog post all by itself.
I am still learning a lot, and it is going ... I don't know if I am learning fast, or slowly, or what the metric for it is. I know I need to pack lunch, because I cannot expect to have time to get fast food. Likewise, I need to have a good breakfast (and I have learned the joy of overnight oatmeal). And I need to bring water. Staying hydrated is important.
I am working 4 /10s. Which is ... not much fun. I get off just in time to be a little late to my D&D games. If I manage to get off when I am supposed to, anyway.
Yesterday, for the first time, I did more than 100 stops. This is probably the norm for this gig, though I feel like maybe the routes I have been assigned as a solo guy are a little more difficult than the routes where i shadowed people who know this work a lot better than I do. That's not a bad thing, though. There is a time and a place to be thrown in the deep end.
And, really, how would I know if this is the deep end? All I can do is swim as best as I can. And it is good enough, since they keep putting me on the schedule.

Last week, I learned that Seattle Coffee Works got bought by Victrola coffee. AND, to pile disaster on tragedy, they no longer sell Green Coffee.
So, after an appropriate temper tantrum and period of mourning, I visited Sweet Maria’s coffee website. Among other things, they offer a subscription service. Every 1 or 2 months, they will send 4 or 8 pounds of coffee (those two factors being individually configurable). These are beans that are not otherwise available, being samples from roasters, or going out of stock, or just cause. I decided, for a start, to get 8 pounds, every two months. Minimize shipping and all that.
Side note. In the meantime, I bought a growler of cold brew coffee from Analog (aka, downstairs) to get me through the week. It was pretty good, but. I was NOT prepared for how strong the coffee was. Not just the darkness of the roast (and it may not have been all that dark, i just reacted to it (with headache and general grumpiness) as though that were the case. Over the course of a couple days, I figured out how much to dilute it.
A lot, in a nutshell. And even then, i was Jittery AF, for several days this week. So, now I know. Back to the regularly scheduled irregular scheduling.
Today, I got my first shipment. 8 pounds from all over the world. What to roast first? The only way to decide was to do what anyone in my situation would do; I rolled a d8. It came up Brazil. Brazil Minas Fazenda Verdas, to be exact. I roasted 2 100g batches to a medium roast, and I will partake of the beany goodness tomorrow morning.
And it occurred to me, this could be a youtube channel. I mean, figuring out how to best roast each batch could be an adventure worth having. And then, figuring out how to best prepare it (drip v. French press v. Chemex v moka pot v ?). And, of course, the grind issue. if nothing else, such a project would give me an excuse to buy a bunch of coffee geek stuff (I already have a properly geeky roaster, but it doesn’t have precise temperature controls, so clearly my first purchase is some kind of thermometer). I have french press pot, and I simple not burr grinder. I would absolutely need a burr grinder, preferably an adjustable one.
And that is just for the coffee. If I am going to make videos? I have my iPad, so that is camera and sound. But lights, a better stand. Would i need a better than installed microphone?
It is a lot of investment. Or I could start from what i have, and see if I get traction, and learn and adapt.
It would be a project. At a time when I have … a lot of anxiety right at this very moment, due to a bad life decision (late afternoon espresso kept me awake until 2 am, plus work stuff causing a higher than usual anxiety, and the thing that no one ever tells you about lack of sleep is that it makes everything hurt more, including anxiety, which makes it hard to sleep…) yesterday.
Recent conversation with C, she said “poor life choices were made” I told her that is my family motto.
I very briefly had a website called GeekHaiku. Still images with Haiku attached, mostly about Coffee and related stuff. It was a sell t shirts and coffee mugs and mousepads business model. It was not successful, though I had some fun with it. it has occurred to me that GeekHaiku is not the worst … brand name for such a project. And i am starting to think maybe I am not so completely unable to do visual art as I tend to think I am.
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.