Not that there was a plan really, but there was something like a plan. And that was to spend some of tomorrow writing this.
But then, I was reminded, I have an appointment at the DOL to renew my dl tomorrow. Which has become part of Pizza Quest with C (I asked C if she wanted to get Pizza, this weekend, at Cornelly; She counter suggested Pizza from a Totally New Place, and, Lo And Behold!! Pizza Quest).
So, i am doing this now. Unless i am not, in which case, you'll not see it.
Last week, as in, a week ago, I was in Kentucky. Hopkinsville, Kentucky, to be precise. Which is a small town in the west of the state. It is, also, where my mother was born, raised, and from which she went to the University of Kentucky. Got her BS in Math (in 1958, which i have known more or less my whole life, but also, took me until I was in my twenties to realize was pretty remarkable. I asked if she was the only woman doing that at the time. She said, no, there were three of us. As though that were somehow less amazing.).
I got to see cousins I have never met, cousins by blood and marriage, Cousins who are children of cousins (also cousins). It was ... they called my Granny / Grandaddy (moms parents) Aunt Ruth / Uncle Earl. Which, I mean, of course they did. My grandparents each had several siblings, most of whom were married and had children, and here we are, now. Related to half the state. More or less.
My brother Joe and I flew in to Nashville Tennessee, and I drove up to Hopkinsville. I drive professionally, so I figured it would be no big deal. i did not account for the difference in roads, the abundance of rain (thanks to Helene, there was a lot of rain), the aggressiveness of southern drivers (if I was not fast enough, they would tailgate and flash lights). At one point, I was caught between two 18 wheelers, merging from three lanes to two (out of a turnout back onto the main road). i was not quiet about me objection to this, and brother J objected to my yelling in his ear. I told him, Do Not Help. I spend all day, every work day, alone in the car. I have a way of doing things, and being told to do things differently in the moment is not useful.
We stayed in an AirBNB, rented from a friend of the family (and discounted for the reunion). It was nice. There was a lot of food provided. That said, the food was... specific. Aside from some biscuits (take and bake Pillsbury biscuits (and I am sorry I got so loud about that to my D&D group this week)) nary a carb to be found. She did provide Atkins Low Carb Snack bars.
I did not go to the local Waffle House. We did go out to a diner for breakfast. it was.. not actually good. But it was part of the experience.
I did a tasting at the Casey Jones Family Distillery (one of my cousins married into their family), and sampled some truly great bourbon, and moonshine. I had never tried Moonshine before. I have three bottles, now. Two bourbons, one moonshine. One of the Bourbons I tasted is called Caseys Cut. The story being, Casey Jones was not only a moonshiner, he sold stills to other folks. And if his customer could not pay for the still, Casey just took a cut from the result of the still. Which, I mean, is a pretty good business move, honestly.
i think it should go without saying that the South of the United States has a long history of bad decisions (and, not putting too fine a point on it, still making bad decisions (there is no recycling there; They passed laws against installing solar "because we need that land for Farming!"). And, at the same time, there is also their collective response to Prohibition. Which... i have added to my curiousity list of things to learn something more about.
Joe and I also visited the site of our grandparents old house. The house itself is gone, it's just an empty lot now. But we wandered around the plot, saw the footprint of it. Saw where we used to play, some of the trees we climbed. The house next door, that has a big stag statue. I remember Granny telling me, as a very little person, that it was a restaurant, and that someday, i was going to take her there for dinner. We revisited the train tracks were we played, where we flattened pennies (neither of us had any pennies, this time, nor a train schedule which would have made flattening them easier).
We all gathered on the Little River, at the edge of the farm, where Mom and assorted cousins used to play. I spoke to how Mom always used to say, It ain't that simple. There is always more to a thing, than the thing i am seeing. I am not sure how well I articulated what I was trying to speak to, the depth and fullness of Mom, how she did so much, knew so much, did not allows herself to be held back from what she wanted. And did so with quiet humilty. Don't raise a fuss, is certainly something else she said. Certainly not on her behalf. Of course, there was also the time that i was flying a kite and it went down in the next door neighbors back yard. And the next door and down the street neighbor kids got hold of it, and destroyed it, because they were kids. And then they threw it back of over the fence, and i saw it and I was furious. But, not nearly as furious as Mom was; she came out, ahead of me, and tore into them. Nothing physical, of course, and I am not sure she even raised her voice. All I remember is how she turned her anger on them, the three of them and shamed them in a way I have never seen. On my behalf, she defended me.
Mike brought his trumpet, of couse. Played My Old Kentucky Home, and Danny Boy (Her grandfather, on her mother's side, emigrated to Kentucky from Ireland). Joe read a poem. Chris spoke to her intelligence, her compassion. I think. Honestly, I barely remember what all was said. But we spread her ashes, and felt her spirit, and the spirits of all our family, past and present, this generation and the next.
We four all thanked the cousins for welcoming us. It is true that there is a lot of ... more conservative thinking / political leaning in that part of the country. That said, no one said a single word about the fact I was wearing a kilt. And this is also where cousin Lindsay (distinct and different from Awesome Neice Lindsey, by spelling and being a man and about 40 years older), being a judge, performed the wedding ceremony for their oldest daughter and her wife. It is good to remember, while the culture is different from what i am used to, the individual people are still individuals.
It was a lot.
Oh, and rental car adventures. Short version, one of the tires of my rental car got a slow leak, Saturday night. I checked it again Sunday, and it was visibly flat. So, I called Avis, they said, take it to repair at Firestone. I did, Firestone looked at it and said, well, we can fix that one, but this other one is about to come apart. So, Joe and I had to get it towed back to Nashville, and we decided to spend the night there, since we were flying out the next day. I had 24 hours in Nashville, that i did not plan or prepare for. Not terrible, but not ideal. I am certain, if I had time to prepare and research, I could make 24 hours there a lot of fun. Having done neither? I managed.
I believe that all family is chosen. That there is more to family than being born into a group of people, there is the choice to make them family. Likewise there are the people in life that are family without blood or marriage.
It ain't that simple. And it is that simple. Don't make a fuss.
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