Truth bombed

[coffeedaiv]

Fucking Maslow. 

I was talking to my therapist, last week. I have been talking to a nutritional therapist for a while, but only relatively recently been talking to a psycho therapist. And I mentioned that I felt a way about the fact that it took me this long to get myself into therapy. I have had a lot going on, for a while, and it would be nice to be able to talk to someone whose job and calling it is to listen and direct and all that good stuff. And, look, if you know me well enough to be reading this, i don't have to sell you on the value of therapy. Whether or not you seek it out in your life is none of my business. But, again, you know me, you know I have had a lot of Stuff happen in recent years. Talking to someone is basically mandatory.

But also, it's not that simple. Finding someone to talk to, who I trust enough to be totally honest with, who takes my insurance and whose schedule matches mine. This is not the easiest thing in the world. And, really, having the mental capacity to put that kind of effort into a project like that was not a thing i had. For the longest time for various reasons, I did not have good insurance (or insurance at all). And I certainly did not have the money to pay out of pocket for the services. 

And I was telling her this, and she pointed out, I have a BA in Psychology. I know Maslow. Hierarchy of needs. It is reasonable and right and expected that I would address matters of material health and safety and stability before I turn my attention to issues of self reflection and enlightenment. 

Which I did know, do know. And I just never thought about it like that. But now that she said that, it's kind of on my mind all the time. And its wonderful, and also annoying. Because a part of knowing that means I get to think about it, have to think about it. And recognize that self esteem is not a matter of zen enlightenment. It's not nirvana. It's an ongoing process, a constant issue of work and maintenance. It's a journey, a process, as are all the other bits. 

I learned a thing. And now i have so much more to learn.